Many of you have met and know Alexandra and, unfortunately, some of you never had the chance to meet her. We are truly amazed by how deeply our little girl touched so many lives in just 16 months and how such a little girl can make such a big impact on people. Alexandra was one of the happiest little girls in the world. She had big, bright blue eyes that never failed to light up someone else’s face and she always smiled and waved “hello” to everyone walking down the street.
We think a lot about all the little ways she made us smile and laugh: how, even if you so much as mentioned the word “shower,” she would rush towards the bathroom while trying to take her clothes off; how she was able to ride Matthew’s scooter even though it was taller than she was; how she would devour her broccoli and her grandmother’s zucchini pie like it was chocolate; how, when she woke up in the morning, she would immediately point towards the kitchen to start one of her two daily breakfasts before doing anything else; how much she loved spending time with her family; how she would clap with self-satisfaction every time she completed a task; and how she had no fear about climbing a staircase, jumping into a pool or running into the waves at the beach.
Matthew especially loved his little sister and the first thing he did every single morning without fail, before doing anything else, was to run to find her and give her hugs and kisses. She had a cute little giggle that we heard all the time, which was more nasal than anything else, but Matthew is the only one who could easily get a really hearty laugh out of her. The day after she left us, Matthew’s first words after waking were about how much he misses her and that he misses his favorite thing. When we asked what his favorite thing was, he said “to kiss and hug, and kiss and hug, and kiss and hug her.” The next night Matthew asked to sleep with her “blankey” so in his words, he could be more “comfy”. While he doesn’t fully understand the permanence of her absence, he does understand that she is gone and misses her immensely.
When it was just the 3 of us before she joined our family, we were extraordinarily happy and content, and now that it is back to the 3 of us, we are unfathomably saddened by the gaping hole that’s left behind. Our beautiful and happy little girl brought us infinite joy and filled our home with energy. We know we will have to learn how to live again without her, but don’t quite know how. It’s impossible to overstate how much we miss her or how much we love her. But we have no regrets about how we loved her since we know that she was aware, every day of her far-too-short life, how loved and cared for she was. We have never taken anything for granted and were explicitly thankful for her every day of her life.
Harder than the bittersweet memories are the unanswered questions about what her future would have held; the birthdays, holidays, vacations and other experiences we will never share; the laughter and conversation we will never hear; and the hugs and kisses we will never have. We want her back so badly, just to touch her, to squeeze her legs, rub noses, to pat her hair and tickle her stomach. There is really nothing to be said about any meaning or higher purpose about what happened because there is none. All there is is a massive void that can never be filled, an unfair tragedy that struck us. The only thing we can say is how much we all love her and miss her. The morning of her last day with us, Matthew sang to her as he frequently did, and it was one of his favorite songs:
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
Our sunshine was abruptly taken away and now we are shrouded in darkness. Time will tell if slivers of light can reappear, but, for now, the shining star around whom our family revolved is gone.
Our sweet, beloved Alexandra, we know that you know how much Mommy, Daddy, Matthew and your whole family love you and that we would do anything and everything to bring you back. We will think of you every single day for the rest of our lives, cutie pie, and hope that you are happy and playing and laughing wherever you are.
